Self-Portrait While Meditating on the Nature of Existence
by David Hernandez
How amazing鈥攖he fact of this 聽 聽bronze morning
lighting聽 聽 聽up my seafoam kitchen, post-dream, post-cereal,
one milk drop聽 聽 聽buried in my beard. Look how
chaos looks聽 聽 聽inside the bowl, the water聽 聽 聽churning
under the faucet, a frenzy聽 聽 聽of bubbles, which pop
up and bob and pop. Does it not聽 聽 聽seem the same to you,
being and been?聽 聽 聽I hear my beloved聽 聽 聽stir in the bedroom,
the bedsheet鈥檚 sigh. Listen from the hall聽 聽 聽her sips of air,
if a nightmare breaks聽 聽 聽the rhythm of her breathing.
Then I鈥檓 back to the bright聽 聽 聽kitchen, an ecstatic sun
blasting聽 聽 聽the front door鈥檚 frosted glass聽 聽 聽tangerine.
All is flying and whirling聽 聽 聽without beginning
or end, without language severing聽 聽 聽that from this鈥�
wren from heavens聽 聽 聽from clouds from rain聽 聽 聽from grass
blade聽 聽 聽from the wayward ant聽 聽 聽that bends by increments
the slender leaf聽 聽 聽she quickly ascends like an acrobat.
Everything in the universe is one thing聽 聽 聽and eternal鈥�
so my cereal bowl, now聽 聽 聽full with water in the sink,
is also聽 聽 聽empty in the cupboard.听 聽 聽This from that鈥�
be through with it.听 聽 聽Be done with how聽 聽 聽an hourglass
splits present聽 聽 聽to future and past.听 聽 聽When I copycat
wind or water,聽 聽 聽the way they glide聽 聽 聽onward, if my own
mind simulates their grace, time聽 聽 聽extinguishes.
Now go聽 聽 聽with all鈥攚ith lava聽 聽 聽crust and waterfall,
with cosmic聽 聽 聽dust and snow聽 聽 聽pea, with lily and sassafras,
with slow聽 聽 聽and fast river-leaves聽 聽 聽riding a current,
as riverbank trees聽 聽 聽unpin their gold聽 聽 聽hands, spinning
downward to join聽 聽 聽leaves already rafting along
like a procession of fire, and mesmerizes聽 聽 聽like fire itself
if you gaze聽 聽 聽long enough to sense聽 聽 聽the idea of yourself
disappear, reappear聽 聽 聽as everything, as mindful
as any breeze, this new聽 聽 聽you-less you, this perfect
emptiness聽 聽 聽before the monolith your Self chiseled for you
reassembles back to myth.听 聽 聽Even your skin knows it
cannot stay聽 聽 聽and so rescinds itself through聽 聽 聽apoptosis,
each second聽 聽 聽cells rush off聽 聽 聽to kill themselves,
billions a day聽 聽 聽leap from the shelf聽 聽 聽of flesh. We are
every leaf聽 聽 聽fallen or still聽 聽 聽green and sunlit,
still on the ground or drawn聽 聽 聽forward by water.
.听
.听
most recent collection of poems, Hello I Must Be Going, was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award. He鈥檚 also been awarded a National Endowment for the Arts Literature Fellowship in Poetry and two Pushcart Prizes.